This probably exists SOMEWHERE in the internetz, but it's worth my time to make one for our household.
At first, I wanted to label this "The Toddler Drinking Game," but I don't advocate serving alcohol in large quantities to small children, so the name needed to be changed (clearly).
1. If your child insists on watching a show on Nick Jr. or Sprout the instant they are awake, take one drink.
2. If you've seen this particular episode (Dora, Yo Gabba Gabba, Barney, etc.) at least three times before, take a drink.
3. If you find yourself singing the theme song to said show, take one drink.
4. If your child refuses to eat something they normally eat multiple times a week, take one drink. If you offer two choices, and they shun both, take a drink. If your toddler dumps all the choices on the floor, while screaming, take 2 drinks. (You're going to need it).
5. If you stay-at-home, but your son or daughter constantly asks for your spouse and ONLY your unavailable spouse, take a drink. Two drinks if they throw a fit because you tell them that ____ is at work.
6. Take a drink if you must chase down your child to change their diaper. Three drinks if they cry and fight you the entire time, while crying for your spouse.
7. If you are considering ordering take-out for dinner instead of cooking, because your toddler is clinging to your leg, take a drink. Take 2 if your DVR has somehow overlooked recording Sesame Street that day, or if your spouse has accidentally deleted your child's episode reserves off of the DVR.
8. Take one drink if your playgroup got cancelled. Take 2 if your toddler's behavior at the playgroup forced you to leave early.
9. If you wanted to have sex before your spouse got home, but they left you alone all day with "The One Who Wouldn't Nap," and now you're too tired, take a drink. Remind yourself to take another drink the following morning (upon waking) if you fell asleep while making out with your spouse.
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Friday, August 24, 2012
Toddler Behavior Drinking Game
This probably exists SOMEWHERE in the internetz, but it's worth my time to make one for our household.
At first, I wanted to label this "The Toddler Drinking Game," but I don't advocate serving alcohol in large quantities to small children, so the name needed to be changed (clearly).
1. If your child insists on watching a show on Nick Jr. or Sprout the instant they are awake, take one drink.
2. If you've seen this particular episode (Dora, Yo Gabba Gabba, Barney, etc.) at least three times before, take a drink.
3. If you find yourself singing the theme song to said show, take one drink.
4. If your child refuses to eat something they normally eat multiple times a week, take one drink. If you offer two choices, and they shun both, take a drink. If your toddler dumps all the choices on the floor, while screaming, take 2 drinks. (You're going to need it).
5. If you stay-at-home, but your son or daughter constantly asks for your spouse and ONLY your unavailable spouse, take a drink. Two drinks if they throw a fit because you tell them that ____ is at work.
6. Take a drink if you must chase down your child to change their diaper. Three drinks if they cry and fight you the entire time, while crying for your spouse.
7. If you are considering ordering take-out for dinner instead of cooking, because your toddler is clinging to your leg, take a drink. Take 2 if your DVR has somehow overlooked recording Sesame Street that day, or if your spouse has accidentally deleted your child's episode reserves off of the DVR.
8. Take one drink if your playgroup got cancelled. Take 2 if your toddler's behavior at the playgroup forced you to leave early.
9. If you wanted to have sex before your spouse got home, but they left you alone all day with "The One Who Wouldn't Nap," and now you're too tired, take a drink. Remind yourself to take another drink the following morning (upon waking) if you fell asleep while making out with your spouse.
At first, I wanted to label this "The Toddler Drinking Game," but I don't advocate serving alcohol in large quantities to small children, so the name needed to be changed (clearly).
1. If your child insists on watching a show on Nick Jr. or Sprout the instant they are awake, take one drink.
2. If you've seen this particular episode (Dora, Yo Gabba Gabba, Barney, etc.) at least three times before, take a drink.
3. If you find yourself singing the theme song to said show, take one drink.
4. If your child refuses to eat something they normally eat multiple times a week, take one drink. If you offer two choices, and they shun both, take a drink. If your toddler dumps all the choices on the floor, while screaming, take 2 drinks. (You're going to need it).
5. If you stay-at-home, but your son or daughter constantly asks for your spouse and ONLY your unavailable spouse, take a drink. Two drinks if they throw a fit because you tell them that ____ is at work.
6. Take a drink if you must chase down your child to change their diaper. Three drinks if they cry and fight you the entire time, while crying for your spouse.
7. If you are considering ordering take-out for dinner instead of cooking, because your toddler is clinging to your leg, take a drink. Take 2 if your DVR has somehow overlooked recording Sesame Street that day, or if your spouse has accidentally deleted your child's episode reserves off of the DVR.
8. Take one drink if your playgroup got cancelled. Take 2 if your toddler's behavior at the playgroup forced you to leave early.
9. If you wanted to have sex before your spouse got home, but they left you alone all day with "The One Who Wouldn't Nap," and now you're too tired, take a drink. Remind yourself to take another drink the following morning (upon waking) if you fell asleep while making out with your spouse.
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