The Reality of It All

After a few worrysome days of increased *ahem* pressure, decreased (in my opinion) movement, and just feeling very funny overall - success! At Oz's 4am "I really have to go, Mom!" whine, I felt a party in my belly. The party continued until about 8am, at which point I think Mr. Bean ran out of beer or something. That's my baby :) He's usually very active: wiggly, little jabs, moving his head, etc., so it was very weird for me to experience such a lack of enthusiastic movement. I love connecting with him in that way, and it helps me visualize that he's really there. Not that my growing bump isn't indicating the same thing, but... I don't know, it's just different. Movement helps me know that he's a person, with person parts, trying to grow (and evidently tunnel out sometimes).

The other part of "reality" that is sinking in? I have about 2 months left (and that's if he goes to my due date) - that's it. 2 months. That's 8 weeks! One month-long rotation for Paul, on Q4, and *maybe* 2 more biweekly rotations. Bean could arrive sooner than we think, and we still have yet to:
-set up a stash of cloth diapers
-prep/wash all of our baby items properly
-set up the changing table
-set up the bassinet/sheets/etc.
-take childbirth classes
-get certified in infant/child CPR (me!)
-BUY cloth diapers/AIOs/pockets (oh crap...literally)

I am so excited and so terrified at the same time - to the point that I definitely freaked out last night and started to cry. It sounded like "ohmygoshwearegoingtobeinchargeofanotherhumanbeing'slifeandsoulandallI'vedoneisreadbooksandwhatifIscrewupandhe'sdamagedforlife?!"
Paul was not in the least bit phased, and just said: "I'm not afraid, I know that we will do our best." Clearly, he's a robot and incapable of these secret fears/feelings. :) Maybe I just need to get a grip and realize that I can only do the best I can - oh, and not let Bean play with electrical outlets and sharp, metal objects.